Girl In Recovery
19.5 million females (or 15.4 percent) ages 18 or older have used illicit* drugs in the past year. At one point I was a part of that statistic. Today I no longer play a part in that and instead, I am a girl in recovery. It was not easy to get here, but it was well worth it.
Being a girl in recovery myself, I still endure struggles, but I have found new ways to deal with them. Building yourself up from the dark bottomless hole you have been stuck in for years is not easy, but as a girl in recovery I am living proof that it is not impossible. Having other strong girls in recovery to lean on when times get hard is a huge piece to this journey. Relating to those girls and seeing where they are now, provide hope that you are worthy of recovery as well.
My own issues began as a teenager. I suffered low self esteem, liked to party and hated my parents. Low self-esteem is a thinking disorder in which an individual views him/herself as inadequate, unlovable, and/or incompetent. Once formed, this negative view permeates every thought, producing faulty assumptions and ongoing self-defeating behavior. I made my household a toxic environment, acting out to the point that would’ve gotten me a segment on the Dr. Phil show with immense ratings. My parents were the enemy, if only I knew what I know now, then. I was experimenting with anything and everything. 21.3% of 8th graders have tried illicit drugs at least once. By the time they’re in 12th grade, 46.6% of teens have tried illicit drugs. I was staying out late, sneaking out, running away from home and skipping school. My experimental drug use became a habit that continued into adulthood.
As I got older, my hatred for my parents ended but hatred for myself kicked in. Living with constant guilt and shame for the things I had done and continued to do, only causing me to use more drugs to try to cover it up. Underneath it all, those feelings were still there. It was as if I stuck on a band aid with worn down adhesive, barely hanging on, with the wound ready to bleed through.
As a girl in recovery, I had to forgive myself for my past to grow into who I have become today. Fortunately, my family has forgiven me too. That is something that was gained over time, not freely given right away. I did not take a conventional one-way street to get where I am today. At Wavelengths Recovery, I was taught that was ok. Not everyone takes the same road to get where they are. Everyone has their own bumps and detours, so everyone will have a different map to get to where they need to be. As you grow, the directions on that map will change. I had to try a little bit of what worked for others, to find what helps my own mind, body and soul. I still have bumps and detours, loss and hardship, but I do not have to pick up no matter what. I have gone through the darkest days without needing a drug or a drink. I can even be there for people on their darkest days. In the past I could only be there for myself and my drugs.
Today I am a girl in recovery, but I am also so much more than that. Today I get to be creative, growing, hardworking, leader, driven, goal oriented, loving, a good friend, a sister, a daughter, a fiancé. The list could go on. I am not just a girl in recovery, I am so much more. But, without my recovery, I would not be any of it. I would be a shell of someone I once was, the zombie version that has been changed by drugs. You too, can be a girl in recovery.